The Nuance of Safety with Social Media and Surrogacy
By: Friday Faraday
You lovely readers have no doubt heard me say how much social media is connected to our lives and provides levels of representation. There are also levels of intersectionality with the other social issues we deal with. However, we are not going that deep with this particular post, but we are going to talk about a more niche area that comes with social media and your surrogacy journey — safety. Now, it is an understatement that there needs to be a level of safety when it comes to social media and your everyday life, but when there are higher stakes in your life like being a gestational surrogate, there needs to be an more in-depth look at how social media will function in your world going forward.
Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok are the most popular social media apps currently in use, and we all know the hardcore “why” we are so entangled in one or all of these. Humans are social creatures and we all want to be connected with someone, so sharing your photos, random thoughts, and the news stories that grab you is all about community. With that, it absolutely makes sense that you as a surrogate would want to feel a sense of community as you are entering into this big journey, especially if it’s your first time.
Relationship Nuances
But with that excitement to share and connect, safety in the social media world coexists with consent. Just like you would ask a friend if it’s okay to post a picture of the two of you, you would also need consent from the intended parent(s). However, there is a difference when it comes to this level of consent. The topic of what is okay and not okay to share to respect the IP’s privacy should take place before the pregnancy even begins, and this can also apply to you as the surrogate as you may be a private person with your social media apps set to private. The importance of communication at the beginning for everyone is key and a sign of mutual respect.
Social media is a unique relationship, and like any relationship, what will be the benefits and drawbacks will help to determine how much you want to be entwined with social media. Not only will you be figuring out new boundaries as they reflect the change in your life with being a gestational surrogate, but also the reasons why you want to share this part of your life.
With social media almost overnight becoming a central part of our lives, we often don’t ask why we want to be on it or stay on it. We mentioned that humans are social creatures, but we also live in an age where our lives are incredibly busy and we are in a constant negotiation of the many facets of things that are important to us. With that comes the need to have something that is easy and doesn’t take a lot of energy to do because human to human interactions require a lot of emotional energy even if we are enjoying it, and knowing your limits equals to keeping yourself safe.
Jobs, family, and friends require a lot of energy to maintain, and adding the very nature of being a surrogate is going to of course take a lot of energy, but when the choice to be open about that journey is another negotiation that will require continuous oversight of not only how you want to do within the realm of social media but also how to be authentic. Ideas such as pictures or videos being uploaded and shared on a scheduled timeframe that works for your life is just one idea that can be customized throughout the journey.
You also have the choice to include your support system to handle that; creating a separate page that is only for your surrogacy and partly managed by a trusted friend or family member can help bring a needed divide between aspects of your life while saving some energy, and also acting as a safety shield when/if negative comments find their way onto a post.
The Important Bits
Social media has as many benefits as it does drawbacks, and even though there are a lot of people who would like to see it go away, it is here to stay. However, how you manage it so it doesn’t overtake your life is within your gasp and is absolutely a task you can handle. If you and the intended parents want to use your social media platforms to share the journey, educate others on a topic they might not have any information about, and/or debunk the myths about surrogacy there are so many ways to do it without it feeling draining or an interference in your life.
The natural sharing of information about important and meaningful events in your life has many nuances, so approaching this part of the surrogacy journey with intention and honesty will give you a great compass on where to go no matter where you are in your journey. And as long as you keep in mind the goal of it all, keep communication open, and rely on your support system everything can be handled from a safe space.
